I’m balls deep in a book called ‘Sex At Dawn’ which posits a lot of things, one of which is that human beings used to be a much more egalitarian society. In the days before owning property was a thing, which led men to dominate resources and women to essentially barter their reproductive capacity for survival, females were not seen as property to be dominated. This got me thinking about the way men approach us on the dancefloor, it’s usually from behind, no eye contact, just low key grinding to test the waters – it’s an act of rather animalistic domination when you think about it.
HOWEVER! I also think there’s an inherent biological response to being dominated, which can be sexually stimulating for both men and women or invoke a fight or flight dose of adrenaline. I’m trying to imagine myself in the moment fending off unwanted manhandling by handing the culprit the card pictured above and/or telling him ‘consent is sexy and I don’t consent to you touching me, please respect my space’. Odds are it’s loud as shit wherever we are, this person can’t hear me, doesn’t care, and is probably too fucked up to even understand what’s being communicated.
HOWEVER, HOWEVER!! The ‘Consent Is Sexy’ movement both online and in real life is extremely positive because maybe it’ll start the arduous process of reprogramming men to be less hand-sy at The Rave. It’s starting a conversation about this issue and empowering women with a neutral one liner we can bust out anytime someone’s getting too aggressive. And even if we can’t be heard over the music, those words carry an energy with them. ‘Consent Is Sexy’ is less of a ‘get the fuck off me’ and more of a ‘whoa, hey there! Did I say you could rub your weiner on my butt? Thank you!’
At the end of the day we’re all just people who want to be loved and danced with and banged mercilessly, but everyone really needs to be on the same page about it. We have thousands of years of programming to overcome. Just read ‘Sex At Dawn’, ok? It has all the answers. I’ll leave you with this – yesterday a guy sent me his mixtape and pretty much begged me to pass it along to bigger blogs. For about 2 seconds I thought about telling him he was sexy, asking what he likes to do for fun and suggesting he come over and play it for me while eating my taco if he’s serious about gaining my support. I cannot tell you how drunk I was with power at the thought of doing this, it was insane – I wanted him to feel the way men have made me feel so many times.
But then I LOL’ed myself, I was ego-tripping at the gates of hell. As he Flaming Lips say in the track posted below, “I was wanting you to love me, but your love it never came.” It made me think of this poor kid and his mixtape, of all the boys and girls at The Rave looking for love but going about it in a way that just perpetuates a tragic and unnecessary power struggle. I love you guys, let’s be wonderful to each other.