Jimmy Iovine, amidst his awkwardly diminutive, sexist mouth diarrhea on CBS This Morning, revealed that he is actually a rotting reptile corpse animated by an old recording of record execs making market predictions from the 1950’s. Isn’t it obvious now that you know? Just listen to his creepy words.
“I always knew that women find it very difficult at times — some women — to find music. Girls are sitting around talking about boys, right? Or complaining about boys . . . when they’re heartbroken or whatever . . . They need music for that, right? Not everyone has, you know, the right list . . . or knows a DJ” for such moments.”
Everyone agrees it was the wrong thing to say on every level, and that’s just because Jimmy’s running old-ass tapes. The record company Illuminati has already put him back into the tanning oven to heat him up and equip him with more contemporary audio, through the end of the year he’ll be programmed with dialogue from Pulp Fiction and the Josie and the Pussycats film. We predict he’ll be much more appealing to mainstream audiences, unfortunately we cannot say the same for his son, DJ Jamie.